I'm beginning to think about retiring. Not that I'm ready yet. There has to be a reason to get out of bed and shower and put on clothes and talk to people. The house haunts me when it is empty, and I would chase away ghosts with too much food (or wine, depending on the time of day) and count the minutes until Himself got home. That much is certain. At some point, however, it becomes obvious that the bloom is off the rose. By the time I get home from work I need twenty minutes worshiping the Goddess of Horizontality before I can deal with the thought of cooking or eating or talking or pretty much anything. In church I notice that genuflecting has become a challenge. I can get down, but one of these days I wonder if I'll get back up. I'm OK with that.
Someone wrote on Facebook a while back, "Don't let the old lady in!" and I think that's excellent advice. We are not a number. My super-abundance of experience would be considered an asset by many. So what if it comes with wrinkles and a couple of creaks here and there? There is a reason that amazing older women like Maggie Smith and Judi Dench and Helen Mirren drop the "F bomb" so often. Living without filters is rather fun, and one of the consolations of turning invisible to much of the world. If you don't believe me go out for a drink after work where the 20-somethings gather. I remember these assemblies as being much different. Now it's more like watching a movie than it is a participatory sport.
Talking to strangers has become one of my favorite pastimes. I stop total strangers in the street and offer to take a picture of the two (or three) of them together. I'll take a stab at speaking their language, and I usually learn something, about them, but also about myself. Everyone has such an interesting story. Some of them are sad or even tragic. Many of them lift my spirits and make me believe in the basic goodness of people and that anything is possible.
It's time to get rid of the clutter. At some point that will include my job, I suppose. I'm learning to let go of things that won't bring me back to days long dead and friends long vanished. Somewhere along the way I have acquired the talent of keeping those precious memories filed away in my heart and I can trot them out whenever I want. I want to spend more time singing and watching the spring come (I still love my birdsong, even when it wakes me up at 4 in the morning in June) and listening to what the ocean waves are saying and crunching through autumn leaves. I need less and less but I see more and more. For now it's enough to stop and watch the world and appreciate its sights and sounds every so often. I look forward to what comes next. I'm guessing it's going to be epic.
Someone wrote on Facebook a while back, "Don't let the old lady in!" and I think that's excellent advice. We are not a number. My super-abundance of experience would be considered an asset by many. So what if it comes with wrinkles and a couple of creaks here and there? There is a reason that amazing older women like Maggie Smith and Judi Dench and Helen Mirren drop the "F bomb" so often. Living without filters is rather fun, and one of the consolations of turning invisible to much of the world. If you don't believe me go out for a drink after work where the 20-somethings gather. I remember these assemblies as being much different. Now it's more like watching a movie than it is a participatory sport.
Talking to strangers has become one of my favorite pastimes. I stop total strangers in the street and offer to take a picture of the two (or three) of them together. I'll take a stab at speaking their language, and I usually learn something, about them, but also about myself. Everyone has such an interesting story. Some of them are sad or even tragic. Many of them lift my spirits and make me believe in the basic goodness of people and that anything is possible.
It's time to get rid of the clutter. At some point that will include my job, I suppose. I'm learning to let go of things that won't bring me back to days long dead and friends long vanished. Somewhere along the way I have acquired the talent of keeping those precious memories filed away in my heart and I can trot them out whenever I want. I want to spend more time singing and watching the spring come (I still love my birdsong, even when it wakes me up at 4 in the morning in June) and listening to what the ocean waves are saying and crunching through autumn leaves. I need less and less but I see more and more. For now it's enough to stop and watch the world and appreciate its sights and sounds every so often. I look forward to what comes next. I'm guessing it's going to be epic.
RSS Feed