Since we appear to be the long-term house guest or prisoner of COVID-19, we are all finding ways to cope with that.  As I have noted before, I think too many people are too casual about the dangers involved with this virus and have declared it "dead" simply because they are tired of it.  I understand, but it doesn't work that way.  What also doesn't work is hiding under the bed and waiting for it to find us.  I remember back in the 70's a helicopter pilot who was a traffic reporter crashed into the top floor of a condominium the next town over.  Not only was he killed, but so was the man sleeping in his own bed and minding his own business.  I've often wondered if the man was afraid of flying.  If it's your day it's your day.

The sheer exhaustion of living in terror wears thin.  I don't tremble when I go to the grocery store any longer (although it's still mostly once every three weeks) and I don't wear gloves.  I have become very aware of where I keep my hands, however, and that would be nowhere near my face until I've sanitized my hands to a fare-thee-well in the car.  I scrupulously keep my six feet distance as much as humanly possible, wear the mask with the filter for these trips, and am very quick to "rat out" the employees who insist on going around with their noses exposed.  The store manager is getting to know me pretty well.  

The restaurants are opening up, both inside and out, and more and more businesses are back at work.  I still canceled my haircut appointment for tomorrow and although my back muscles are screaming for attention I haven't booked a massage yet.  I will eventually, but not quite yet.  I listen to Anthony Fauci attentively and defend him on Face Book all the time.  I'm not sure why I bother, because those who are attacking him do not have the ears  or the common sense to listen to science.  And my friend and guide Dr. Fauci says that this is still Phase One.  And that if we act sensibly (i.e. masks, distancing, and thoroughly washing hands), we may be able to avoid a Phase Two, or at least to mitigate its effects.  I insist on having faith in tomorrow, and in the goodness and kindness of a great many (if not all) people.  

For now I'm working on walking more, on praying more, and on reading and watching uplifting books, videos and television shows. I watch the news mostly for the weather.  Beyond that I fear for my blood pressure. I'm working on calming down and on reaching out to my friends on a rotating list so no one feels neglected.  And this might (just might) be the weekend when we get take-out food for the first time since early March.  I will feel like a warrior princess!

Cope with it as you need to cope.  Do not let your friends push you.  And perhaps it's still a good idea to be just a little more cautious than even you think you need to be.

It has become clear that there is no end in sight to the current COVID-19 crisis.  Until there is a vaccine we are just going to have to learn how to deal with it.  For each of us that means something different.

The nice weather is not helping all that much.  People are going to the beaches and going to protests and visiting with family and eating out and basically pretending that it's all over. I understand the "why" and some of it is admirable, but the crisis is not over.  It's really, really not.

The masks, which are among our few weapons going into battle with this monster, seem to have become political.  Wearing a mask can make one a target of anger, for reasons which I genuinely don't understand.  I get nasty looks on the street.  When I have to go into a store (which I avoid as much as possible) I often have to remind employees or fellow patrons to cover their noses with their masks, in addition to covering their mouths.  The sheer annoyance and hatred which comes flooding  back at me would kill a lesser woman.

I have already admitted the thought that this may be the first Christmas of their lives when my sons can't come home to be with us.  Sucking it up for the long run, with an eye down the long road to when I may have a grandchild I want to meet (none on the way that I know of at the moment) is not a lot of consolation, but it is the mature, sensible, responsible reaction.  I will go so far as to call it an obligation.  To not wear a mask in public is to advertise the fact that you either don't know the science or just don't care about other people.  A lot of people don't like wearing seat-belts either, but we do it because it works.  There are "no shirt, no shoes, no service" signs on stores all over the place and we don't even think about it.  Why is this such a big deal?  Because we have been pitted against one another for the past three plus years by the Instigator In Chief who sets a horrible example. We can't afford to drink this Kool-Aid.  Republicans are not evil.  Democrats are not evil.  We can have differing views on how to approach things without turning on each other.  We are Americans.  All of us.

I don't like wearing a mask either.  It's not really comfortable, and they often slip.  But I'll do it until we have a vaccine because that's what we need to do.  And for those of you who don't like the masks, you're going to really hate the ventilators.  

Let's work together as one nation for a change.  We're out of practice, but it can still be done.  The soul of this country is hanging by a slender thread.  One thread can't withstand much.  But if you join many other threads to it, hanging on for dear life, you've got yourself a rope to hang onto.  We're all tired.  What we are not is "done".

I have not one idea of where to begin.  There are no words to cover times like this, probably because there never should be times like this.  We, the whole country, witnessed a murder on television.  There is no doubt about that.  Like many, and I hope most, I was not happy, or even relieved to see the officers involved arrested. Nothing about this whole situation should make anyone happy. I'm not sure what I was.  Surprised, maybe?  Because the murder of innocent black people has been going on for so long it was not a "given" that justice would be served.  Of course, it still hasn't been served.  That remains to be seen.  But at least there is the semblance by those in authority that Mr. Floyd's life mattered.  How much it mattered is becoming more obvious each day.

Those who took advantage of the legitimate protests to loot, and destroy, and fill their own pockets (and they were both black and white) damaged but did not destroy the message.  Violence is not the answer.  It never has been and it never will be.  But I can certainly understand the rage, or I can say that I will do my best to understand the rage.  No one who hasn't felt the weight of decades or centuries of daily discrimination in big and small ways can begin to really understand.

Stupidly, I who was in high school during the 60's and remember well the death of Dr. King and so many others, thought we had made so much progress since then.  People who had never changed would make jokes about "having to be politically correct" and what an annoyance that was, but they wouldn't dare come out and speak of the hatred that was in their hearts for anyone who didn't mirror back their own image.  Any difference was seen as a challenge, an attack on who they were and what they thought.  There were repercussions for saying what they really felt.

Then there was a change in tone.  White Supremacy was a "thing" again.  And African Americans were not the only targets.  Suddenly it seemed as though we had gone back 50 or 150 years, and Jews and Asians and Latinos, and anyone who was immediately identifiable as "not one of them" also had reason to be afraid.  The hatred between races, between political parties, between the US and other countries has been exhausting sane people for too long.  Enough already.  We've had enough.  We've had so much, people of every color  and party and religion are willing to come out and march in the middle of a pandemic to express their grief and rage and hunger for justice.  I wish they'd all worn their masks, but that's another essay.  This has to stop.  Now and forever.

There is no "bright side" in any of this.  My heart aches for Mr. Floyd's family, and for my African-American friends who are not the least bit surprised by any of this.  I called several the other day and had nothing to say except "I love you".  That's all I had to offer.  I don't know what it's like to live with this fear, this knowledge of being hated for no reason, every day of your life.  How could I?  But  I am hopeful, seeing the depth of the pain and disgust we are feeling these days, that many more people will at least be making more of an attempt.  Donate to social justice groups.  Donate to Black Lives Matter, or anyone you like, to help level the playing field.  Do some homework on black history, and not just in February.  Read.  Learn. Help.  And for the love of God and of one another, VOTE.  That's how we can begin to change this.  That's how we can honor George Floyd.